This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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