Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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