he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
