I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
