Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
