But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
