He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We don't watch enough power rangers
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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