Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I am puke
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
