You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
