we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize