so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
