I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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