she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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