Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
