His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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