A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
