Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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