your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
