Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
