I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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