News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
