Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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