In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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