Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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