i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
