At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
