at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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