hotel room ftw
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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