just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
