Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
