What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
