I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
