Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
