did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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