someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
