how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
