Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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