I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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