im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize