heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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