It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
i think i just lost a toe
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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