flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
