I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
