the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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