in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
