Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
false alarm, still single
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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