I want to have your abortion
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
