I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
