I'm jealous of your bromance
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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