i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
