just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
