So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
