i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
