I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
