11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
