I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
