Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
