it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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