i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Randomize
