Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
