READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
