i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
