I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
