I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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