I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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