So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
