I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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