the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
