the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize