I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
being pregnant is like rehab
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
