yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
