your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
