Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
