his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
