So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
