He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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