someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
