like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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