Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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