Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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