Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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